Sunday, January 7, 2007

When civilization falls, you're going to need a few things











Let's face it. WalMart will be gone. No more Burger King. No pizza delivery. This is just the sort of constant inconvenience you're going to have to put up with when civilization as we know it drops right into the toilet. (And let's hope the toilets still work.)
In addition to common sense items like condoms and Pez, you're going to need some key things to survive the end of everything. Toilet paper. Stock up. Two-ply. A change of socks. A towel, naturally. You Douglas Adams fans know what I'm saying.

Also, try get as much coffee as possible. Those boats aren't coming up from Columbia anymore. You think it's tough to face your boss on Monday morning without a cup of joe? Try facing down a band of cannibals without any caffeine in your system. And it goes without saying, that people better-armed and less prepared than you will be coming to take away all your stockpiled goodies. You're going to need some firepower. I suggest something fully automatic. (I'm sure you've all seen the same movies I have.)


And finally, hide away all the bottles of booze you can. Distillers won't make it anymore.


Or will they ...?




7 comments:

n said...

I've got a room full of watch batteries. Cuz everyone will want to know the time, naturally.

Anonymous said...

Yay! Victor - you're back! How lovely. I mean...how noir and cool, man. And I'm storing shoes for the apocalypse. We'll all need shoes.
Donna

Victor Gischler said...

Thanks for stopping by, guys. At least a few people are aware of my blog. Where are the hordes?

VG

JD Rhoades said...

Fortunately, I come from a long line of moonshiners.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

The apocalypse? Hell, I drive in Los Angeles. This is stuff I use on a daily basis.

Laura said...

At the risk of being semi-serious . . . Sara Gran had a very intriguing post at her blog, about life in New Orleans semi-post-apocalypse. The city currently has no chain music outlet, just the local (and amazing) Louisiana Music Factory. You can shop high (Prada at Saks) and low (Wal-mart), but Mr. In-Between isn't messing with New Orleans.

Okay, back to considering Pistol Poets, which will be the first novel assigned when my writing class convenes at Goucher College later this month. At the very least, I think it will teach them proper etiquette in a writing workshop. Grant the writer his/her intentions, no gunplay, etc.

Victor Gischler said...

Stephen,

When I visited L.A. with Sean Doolittle one year, I made him drive. I was too timid to even attempt it. Also, I was manning the gun turret on top of the vehicle.

Laura,

I was in New Orleans recently. You can almost forget there was ever a disaster when you're bumming around the French Quarter with a beer in your hand. But as soon as I got off the freeway for gas in another neighborhood, it was a completely different story. It really did look apocalyptic. Also, Anthony Neil Smith took me to visit his folks in Slidell. Wow. These people got slammed.

But if you're teaching Pistol Poets at Goucher ... well, I need to check Revelations, but I think that actually is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

VG