Let's face it. I'm not very helpful. So going back in time to right wrongs is a no go. I mean, if we learned anything from the JFK episode of Red Dwarf is that good intentions to often go awry. So if I had my own time machine I would do totally selfish stuff. This stuff:1. Hit on Bettie Page. I think I'd have a shot.
2. Buy Google and Apple stock. A shitload of it.
3. Smoke a lot in bars and restaurants like in Mad Men. (Cigars)
4. Steal the characters and plost for Harry Potter.
5. Stand in the background of famous photographs and freak out my friends.
6. Send letters to modern people from 1905.
7. Stand at the airport as the Hindenburg approaches, nudge the guy next to me, and say "Watch what I can do with my mind powers."
8. Discover Easter Island.
9. Scare the shit out of myself in the shower.
10. Taser knights in the middle ages, claim to be a wizard.
You?
22 comments:
Damn good list, Victor. I'd add Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield to #1. Not that I think I have a shot with any of them, but widening my net might improve my chances. I'd also add:
-Stop George Lucas from tinkering with the original STAR WARS (Han shot first, dammit!).
-Hoarding incandescent light bulbs.
-Taping all the short-lived TV shows I liked that have never been released on DVD.
-Talking my younger self out of doing the stupid things I've done (too many to list).
-Getting autographs from famous dead people so I can sell them on Ebay.
That George Lucas thing falls under the righting wrongs category, John. Very risky.
But Han DID shoot first.
I would take the entire run of Mickey Spillane novels, find the real Mickey, "convince" him to let me take over his life. At appropriate time send in each novel (wouldn't even have to actually write them!), rake in cash, and *be* Mickey Spillane from then on. Also, will carry a shitload of Lipitor back with me, pretend to invent it, be rich from that, too. And live even longer than the real Mick.
N,
And you could be in those beer commercials.
Have sex with Hitler.
I like your #5 and #7.
Awesome ideas, guys! Basically, it seems a time machine would best be used as a practical joke machine. Man, just think of the fun you could have!
I'd probably go back and rewrite Stephen King's oeuvre and be a rich mofo. Then I could sit on my lazy can in Aruba, or some other Caribbean paradise.
October 30, 1938. Swagger right into the middle of the CBS Mercury Theater broadcast of "WAR OF THE WORLDS" and yell, "Hey, Orson! Total bullshit!"
"Hey, Orson! Total bullshit!"...
and then have sex with him.
1- Introduce young Adolf to some cool Jewish friends at an early age thus avoiding the whole moral dilemma of having to kill baby Hitler and all the wacky time continuum stuff that would spiral out from there.
2- Steer Lee Harvey Oswald toward the arts instead of sniper schooling, this might not save JFK from the grassy knoll types but I will have done what I could.
3- Buddy up with a young Stan Lee.
4- Show the Minnesota Vikings the way to win all 4 of their Super Bowl Apperances by showing them the mistakes they made in all of them.
5- Grab Steve Bartman’s arm- Not that I am a Cub fan, just because I feel sorry for the poor guy
6- Meet and train with a real Samurai
7- Saber Tooth Tiger hunting… man that trophy going to look good over my fire place
8- Hear Lincoln’s Gettysburg address live and then sidle up to old Abe and mention how bad the play Our American Cousin is.
9- Stop the union of my high school tormentors parents with a bucket of cold water precisely 9 months before that little shit was born
10- Start the California gold rush with a nugget the size of my head, and I have a grand Scottish head with it’s own gravitational force and buy land up in the hills of a town I will Christen Hollywood……also a little weekend palace in a place called Malibu
Invent Golden Tee.
Have sex with inventor of Golden Tee.
Correction: Invent Golden Tee, then tell everyone Victor Gischler invented Golden Tee so that anyone who wishes to have sex with the inventor of Golden Tee has sex with Victor Gischler.
Murder inventor of Golden Tee. Have sex with the corpse.
Can we just throw Bettie page in there somewhere please. Yeesh.
It was just supposed to be a nice little discussion about abusing time travel ...
abusing time travel ...
Have sex with the time machine?
I agree with victor when he says "Crabby MC is my favorite poster" i think he makes an excellent point here and backs it up with strong empirical research.....
Crabby "Don't say it Gerard" 54
-Have some nice time in Pompei's brothel before the eruption.
-Take tea and have a chat with Nikola Tesla.
-Ride a T-rex.
-Listen to a concert of Anita O'Day.
-Watch Fritz Lang's Metropolis the first time it came to the theatres.
-Buy all the first issues of great comics.
-Have Caravaggio make a portrait of me.
-Write a horror tale with Lovecraft.
-Become friends with Dave Stevens.
Hey Gischy Gischy Goo how about another post? Maybe you could update us on the TV watching post of yore and let us know if you took any of our suggestions?
Thanks
Your Underwater Ally
Crabby MC
Hey, Crabby! I'll get somethign up sooner or later.
And I do read all the comments even if I don't always have time to respond.
Totally understood..I'm just desparately lonely and cold, oh so cold.
I seem to have wandered into a deep water trench trying to avoid those deadliest catch guys and there damn crab pots. Now I'm surrounded by scary looking angler fish and those shell cracking sharks that live down here....
Crabby "giving them all my middle claw salute" MC
PS_ Check out Steve Mcniven's blog, you blow his output away but the mand does generate some amazing comments.....
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