Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ten ways we can take our country back.

This is not a political post. Anything about either party, left or right, whatever, will be summarily ignored. The fact is both parties have used the phrase "take our country back." Many of the citizens of this great nation are in no way qualified to determine which pinhead will lead us if they can't even master the following:

1. Turn signals. This is not optional. The fact you are coming into my lane is not supposed to be the surprise that adds adventure to my day. Put down your iPhone and signal.

2. Put the fucking shopping cart in the fucking cart corral. It's ten feet away. Just do it. Don't leave that cart in the middle of a parking space or I will murder you.

3. Your loud crying kid is ruining my meal.

4. Simmer the hell down about crying kids. It's life. Chill.

5. No more real housewives of anywhere please.

6. Saying something at a tedious department meeting just so you can hear yourself talk ruins everyone's day. Shut up.

7. When you park your car at a convenience store and leave your car running with the windows down and your car stereo thumping at full blast while you run in to get a pack of Lucky Strikes, we don't all enjoy it as much as you think we do. Next time I see that, I'm going to jump behind the wheel of that fucking car and drive away and drive that motherfucker into a tree.

8. Don't curse so much.

9. Fuck you.

10. Really, how about just some basic courtesy? Is that so hard.

Don't talk to me about saving civilization unless you're helping to make this a civilization worth saving.


Scott Harbison said...

Now that there is a damn fine list! Every American should read this list. Read it, Learn it, Live it! #'s 5, 7 and 9 are my favorites. I really like kind of says it all, you know, without being too wordy.

Brian Thornton said...

I'm especially fond of number 9, Vic.

Neal Kristopher said...

Gischler For President.

Or at least Code Enforcer Ultimo.

J. R. McLemore said...

Fuck yeah!

Crabby MC said...

1- Care more about people than things
2- Remember that choosing the lesser of 2 evils is still choosing evil
3- Don’t worry about speeding up life, try worrying about slowing it down
4- Convince our politicians that they are opponents not enemies and that once the election is done they should work together for what is best for us and not what is best for their party
5- Tar & Feather the lobbyists
6- What a country celebrates a country becomes, stop celebrating violence (sorry Victor) & sports and start celebrating kindness and intelligence.
7- Boycott companies that want your money but won’t give Americans jobs- See this Sunday’s tory on Apple in the New York Times to understand why
8- Vote Magneto
9- Talk to your neighbors, especially if you disagree with them, an open dialogue is always better than a closed mind.
10- Kneel before Crabby MC!